


Ain't no Crying

by Marvelous_renegades



Series: Marvelous' Dream SMP fics [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Found Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationship, Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Suicidal Thoughts, Those were not intentional but could be perceived as such so take care, Toby Smith | Tubbo in Denial, its all platonic, platonic marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelous_renegades/pseuds/Marvelous_renegades
Summary: Its all just numb, until its notorTubbo is in shock, he doesn't register his emotions until they have already been building up for far too long, then they all come crashing down on him. Thank god Ranboo is there to help him though.
Relationships: Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: Marvelous' Dream SMP fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211561
Comments: 6
Kudos: 136





	Ain't no Crying

Tubbo never reacts to grief right away. It was like he had an emotional delay, maybe it had something to do with his repression or maybe it’s normal but it always takes time for him to register his grief.

It is strange. He mourns for people he barely knows, but when faced with real grief, he shuts down. 

When Tommy dies it takes a whole week for it to hit him. Ranboo keeps asking him if he’s ok, and he says he is, he thinks he is. He really thinks he is, Ranboo clearly doesn’t believe him, maybe Ranboo knows him better than he knew himself. Because six days later it hits him, and all of a sudden Tubbo is not ok. 

When it hits, it hits like a falling anvil.

Bitter deadly lead, iron, on his tongue. A rushing weight, then a ringing in his ears. It feels like dying, which feels right, considering Tommy is dead, they were always supposed to do everything together. Then Tommy up and left him, for good. They should be together.

-

But before that Tubbo was Fine, he swears he was. Puffy had come looking for him, inviting him to a funeral, and to therapy, she asked how he was doing. They sat outside of Puffy's house talking and eating apples under the shade of the Hotel. 

“I want to make Tommy a statue.” Puffy says, she looks curiously at Tubbo like she is asking for permission.

“He would probably like that wouldn’t he?” Tubbo mused, “make it big, he would have wanted to be a big man.” Puffy nods but doesn’t say anything for a bit until she asks.

“But really, how are you? This can’t be easy for you.”

“I’m fine, sad... yeah, I’m sad, but I’m doing alright.” when he said it he believed it. That doesn’t make it true. 

-

He talked to Ghostbur. 

“Why do you think Tommy didn’t come back?” Tubbo asked.

“Hmm.” Ghostbur mumbled, rubbing his face into Friend’s wool “Probably the same reason Glatt didn’t come back, at last not right away. He didn’t have a purpose anymore. A child solider after a war can be neither a child nor a soldier anymore.” It had started to rain then, and Ghostbur had fled leaving nothing but a small pile of blue in his wake. Tubbo spent the rest of the day scouring the hotel, if Tommy had a purpose left, it was in the hotel. Even hours later, he couldn’t find a glimpse of him, though he couldn’t stop hearing phantom echos of Tommy’s laugh.

-

Tubbo spends a day in Logstedshire, not to reminisce, not because it was were Tommy spent exile (well, maybe a little because of that.) but becasue it supposedly has a bunch of bee’s nests that Tubbo wants to harvest. He take the time to build all the resources from scratch, leading the bees to a pen by the portal where he can get them to the hotel at some later date.

He’s not even half way done when Ranboo finds him in the evening. He’s fine. He is Fine. Ranboo looks at Tubbo with pained eyes, they hug, and Ranboo doesn’t ask how Tubbo is doing, he knows what the answer will be, he knows he won’t believe it.

-

Ranboo is there when it happens. Tubbo is glad, Ranboo is always around now, Tubbo would think it was out of pity if Ranboo hadn’t been hanging out with him already. And Tubbo is so, so grateful. At least he has someone to catch him when he breaks.

The grief comes on a day when he’s not even thinking of Tommy at all. He was just talking with Ranboo and Jack about the hotel, the big red towering monument to Tommy that probably meant more to him than a statue ever would. Jack was planning a grand reopening of the Big Hotel, it reminded Tubbo of some of the things Tommy had talked about when the hotel was still under construction. How excited he had been to have the hotel, especially with all the new additions. And now-

The realization of the truth of the world around him knocks him back a step. As he breaks, Ranboo gathers him up and takes him back to Snowchester. Tubbo thanks whatever god that might be cruelly looking down on the server that at least they didn’t take Ranboo too. Tubbo wouldn’t have been able to take that.

Already he cannot take this. Tommy’s death, it just doesn’t make sense. Tommy was supposed to have a hero’s death, not a death locked up in a tiny cage. Tubbo knows the cell was tiny, Tommy hated small spaces, he must have been miserable. 

He feels so guilty, for not grieving properly. His best friend died, and his first reaction was to make a joke, it's not even like he was covering up his pain. He really just hadn’t felt anything, it didn’t hit him. Until it did. 

Both he and Ranboo were curled up together in a pile of blankets and limbs and sobs. Ranboo tries not to cry, the tears tracing burning scars down his face whenever he does, but he hiccups and sniffles nonetheless. Tubbo had forgotten that Tommy had been Ranboo’s first friend on the server, they hadn’t been friends for long, sure, but still, a first friend will always be important. So the two boys cry together. 

-

They miss the funeral, they mourn privately because neither of them are proud of how they react. Ranboo is mad, in the first few days he lashes out a Tubbo before hiding alone in the other room for hours. He always comes back though, he always apologies, and Tubbo knows he doesn’t mean any of it, it still hurts though. It makes him think of other words people never meant to say, heartbreak caused by anger and loss and Dream. 

Tubbo knows he is not his best self in those first days either. He laughs and pretends he doesn’t care, because it’s so much easier. He wished for that initial numbness, but its all gone, replaced with raw emotion that he fails to hide from the people around him. 

Finally, though, they mourn together. 

-

The day of the funeral, Phil and Techno come and visit. Ranboo lets them in, he reassures Tubbo that it’s alright and once again they fall into a haze of grief and tears. Phil and Techno take care of them, They bring tea, and piles of wool blankets and some of Ranboo’s pets. Tubbo sits awkwardly to the side as Ranboo buries himself into the two men’s grasp like they are the last thing in the world, like he is praying that they don’t disappear too. Techno brought healing pots and regen to dab on Ranboo’s cheeks where the tear tracks are still raw and painful. Tubbo notices the bottles have been labeled, ‘for Ranboo’.

Tubbo wonders what it’s like to have a family like that. He ends up talking briefly to both men, it's strange to see them look so normal, he doesn’t know if he could ever truly forgive them, but they will look after Ranboo when Tubbo is gone. 

-

The next its Puffy and Niki who come to visit.

“Do you think they made a schedule?” Tubbo asks. “Like for people to check on us?”

“Probably, but is that a bad thing?” Ranboo says. It’s not, but Tubbo won’t admit it.

Niki brings cake and cookies and something called a Napoleon which is just a crispy butter-y frosting-y sandwich. Puffy rubs Tubbo’s back talking about guilt and moving on and how it's ok to feel the way he feels, she’s probably right, he probably needs therapy, he probably isn’t handling things the way he should be, but he tunes her out and eats his cake. 

Niki is talking with Ranboo, they look a bit more happy, Tubbo remembers the two used to be friends, used to be siblings almost, he smiles at the thought that Ranboo at least still has his people. He tells Ranboo this later that evening and Ranboo promises that they can share their people, that Tubbo has people who care about him as well, even though Tommy is gone.

-  
The next day was supposed to be the Kinoko Kingdom folks but Ranboo suggests that they make the trip over there instead. And when Tubbo steps outside, he allows himself to be sad, and he promises himself that he will let himself be happy again, not yet, but soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I cried so many times in the last 3 days but I'm ok.
> 
> You can find me at @Rhubarb-fandoms on tumblr!


End file.
